Damn, Damn, Damn
by Adja
Summary: Post 2x15 Sexy. A song that I thought should be in Glee, but I don't think will be, no matter how fitting, because it's not a single. Avril Lavigne's Wish You Were Here by Santana and Brittany


**Fic:** Damn, Damn, Damn  
**Fandom:** Glee  
**Story by:** Adja999 at Livejournal dot com  
**Spoilers: **2x15 Sexy  
**Pairings/characters:** Santana/Brittany  
**Summary:** A song that I thought should be in Glee, but I don't think will be, no matter how fitting, because it's not a single. Avril Lavigne's Wish You Were Here by Santana and Brittany.**  
Disclaimer:** They're not mine and don't I know it. Song is this one: .com/watch?v=WR3yF2ELW0A&feature=fvst

Post 2x15 Sexy. A song that I thought should be in Glee, but I don't think will be, no matter how fitting, because it's not a single. Avril Lavigne's Wish You Were Here by Santana and Brittany

"_I can be tough._" It slips out, her fingers running on the strings of the guitar, not knowing how to play the notes inside her head. "_I can be strong_." She says, again, without really meaning to. "_But with you, it's not like that at all_."

"_There's a girl, who gives a shit…_" she sets the guitar down and walks to the stairs, off the stage of the auditorium. "_behind this wall. You've just walked through it._" And it's her fault. She let it happen, she made it happen.

_'Can you come? Like last week?' Brittany looked at her, hopeful and open. _Santana closes her eyes against the memory. "_A__nd I remember, all those crazy things you said__, y__ou left them running through my head__._" She said no. She turned away and willed up a new wall of anger and ignored her best friend. "_You're always there, you're everywhere__ , b__ut right now I wish you were here_." And now she can't think of everything else.

Walking blindly through the halls, she can feel Brit's lips on hers like the last time they'd kissed was a couple of seconds ago. "_All those crazy things we did__, d__idn't think about it, just went with it_." And now all she has left is the memory. Because she ruined it all. She'll never have it again. "_You're always there, you're everywhere__, b__ut right now I wish you were here_."

It can't happen again. Now it's cheating. It's always been but now it feels real. Now Brittany knows it too.

She pushes through the doors and the sun hitting her face should be a relief, but it just feels like staving off her tears. "_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you__here, here, here__! __I wish you were here_." He hugs herself, but the cold comes from inside. It doesn't change a thing. "_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you __near, near, near__! __I wish you were here_."

xXx

Brittany holds her arms tight around her middle, looks outside at the sun through her window and wonders why it is that she's so cold. She's standing, alone in the house. She's been waiting to run to the door and let Santana here like very weeks since… Since forever.

She knows she's not very smart. She knows there's lot of things that fly completely above her head but she knew instantly something had changed. That's why she asked. She asked Santana if she was still coming because she felt like if she didn't ask, she wouldn't even know until she was stood up.

And she was. Santana barked at her face and stormed off, leaving her to face the incredulous stare from Artie. She ran, and it was Kurt who found her hiding amongst the rafters of the auditorium and gave her a wordless hug. She likes Kurt because he gives affection without asking for any return. He's a lot like Santana. Santana never asked for anything until she asked for the one thing Brittany couldn't fairly give her.

And now she's standing in her room, waiting for the doorbell to ring. Waiting for Santana to show up and tell her that this was all a bad dream and she hasn't just lost her best friend because she can't be who she wishes she was. "_I love the way you are__. __It's who I am, don't have to try hard_."

So she looks through the window and wishes she could make it snow just because it would feel more right. "_We always say, say like it is__. __And the truth is that I really miss__._"  
Brittany thinks back of Santana, her confessions, her love. And it's true. She should be hers, no problems. No fears. She kind of is already, anyway. She would be proud. She doesn't even understand why Santana is so scared. "_All those crazy things you said__, y__ou left them running through my head_."

Labels are labels. They're in high school. Labels are everywhere. Temporary. Unimportant. "_You're always there, you're everywhere__, b__ut right now I wish you were here_." What's important is that when her friend cried she didn't know how to make her better. She didn't know how to love her. And when she tried it looked physically painful.

"_All those crazy things we did__, d__idn't think about it, just went with it__."_

_Brittany laughed, her secured in Santana's, climbing the fence to the closed fair. 'Come on!' Santana tugged, and soon they were lying in the gigantic ball pit. _

_'I've always wanted to do that.' Brittany smiled. 'They always say I'm too old.' _

_Santana pulled her close, brushed their lips together. 'I know.'_

Brittany closes her eyes against the memory, her fingers finding the scars she gave herself climbing out much later. "_You're always there, you're everywhere__, b__ut right now I wish you were here__._"

Pressing her palms to the window, she breathes out, fogs it up and watches the two different handwritings that traced the S+B in the heart on the glass. "_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you __here, here, here__! __I wish you were here_." With a sob wrenched from her throat, she runs her hand across it. "_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you __near, near, near__! __I wish you were here_." It can't be true, Santana isn't here.

Then anger overcomes her. She's not losing without a fight. Without an explanation. Since when has she become so not enough that she's not even worth their Friday afternoon hangout? _"__No, I don't wanna let go__. __I just wanna let you to know__ t__hat I never wanna let go__."_

She grabs her jacket and stomps down the stairs.

xXx

Santana bites her lip, looks up at the house she so used to be here and now seems so terrifying. What if Brittany doesn't want her here anymore? What if she hates her and she broke everything? What if Artie is here?

She takes a breaths and steps forward, takes a chance. "_No, I don't wanna let go__. __I just wanna let you to know__ t__hat I never wanna let go_."

xXx

"Hi! Is Santana home? She was supposed to come by today."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. She must have forgotten to tell you. She said she had a date this afternoon."

"_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you__here, here, here__! __I wish you were here_."

Brittany chews her lower lip, probably surprises Santana's mom when all she does is bow her head and nod before walking off.

"_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you __near, near, near__! __I wish you were here_." She doesn't know how she ends up by the fair. It's loud and it's alive and everything she doesn't feel. All that she knows is that her cheeks are wet and it makes her even colder.

xXx

She waits. Fear turns into trepidation and trepidation into sadness. Brittany isn't answering.

"_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you__here, here, here__! __I wish you were here_."

Brittany got the message that Santana didn't mean. She won't open the door.

"_Damn, Damn, Damn! __What I'd do to have you __near, near, near__!" _

Santana sinks down on the steps and allows herself to give in to the sobs for a while. Gather her strength and go home.

Brittany sits on a bench and starts crying again when a kid passes by and gushes about the ball pit.

xXx

"_I wish you were here_."


End file.
